Stop Being Too Nice!

See, my problem was that I was too nice.

“Too nice? How is that possible?”  you might ask.

Before you write me off as a jerk, let me explain to you that many people are suffering from the too nice syndrome.

I used to give and give of myself to other people with the expectation that these people would be able to see my good intentions. I was under the impression that everyone’s heart was like mine.

This is not the case and I had to learn that through experience.

Because I tend to be on the selfless side, often times I attract associates who are more into themselves than anything else. I used to be so giving that others saw this as a way to take advantage of/stay stagnant in a relationship.

I would sacrifice time and my emotions for these people and when it came time for them to do the same, they didn’t. The thing that kept me in these “friendships” is the very thing that kept my mother in an emotionally abusive relationship and it keeps physically abusive relationships alive.

It’s the thought that the person will change.

“Oh maybe he didn’t see me hurting. Maybe she didn’t see how it affected me. Maybe next time they’ll be there for me the way I was there for them.”

No. No. No. No.

If they see how you sacrifice yourself for them, but won’t reciprocate, then they DO NOT care about you. A grasping of this concept will prevent you from entering into draining relationships and it will help you recognize red flags in people before things get too serious.

There’s also an obligation factor that plays along into these types of relationships. Because you were raised correctly or have good morals, often times you will feel like you are required to do as much as you can for this person just because.

There is a difference between being moral and being suicidal. Throwing yourself on the line repeatedly for someone who isn’t even acknowledging your efforts is only detrimental to your emotional health and mental stability.

Removing yourself from a destructive relationship does not make you a bad person. It makes you a smart one.

I’m saying all this to say: Be nice, but don’t exhaust your emotions, time, and health over someone who wouldn’t do the same for you. Relationships aren’t 50/50…they’re 100/100 and If you’re the only one putting in 100 percent, then something is terribly wrong.