Put Iggy In Pop & Give T.I. Some Grammar Lessons

Even though I cannot stand Azebra (No Money In The) Banks and his many homophobic and racist outbursts. And even though he does not know how to express himself without making himself seem like a psychotic idiot, certain points that he was making were strong ones. Itchy Areola is NOT excellent and yet her whiteness (a.k.a privilege) has caused her to progress far faster in a genre of music that she does not understand (nor cares to understand). Her rhymes are sub-par and her flow reminds me of a busy soccer mom who forgot to take her pills.

Rap is supposed to be metaphoric, creative, smart, sneaky, in your face and it is supposed to tell a story. These nursery rhymes that Igloo Australia is serving the general public are overrated. But, because of how she looks, her material is pushed further because it appeals to the majority. The majority then sees this horror and will slowly but surely start to think that unsatisfactory ghostwriting is what hip-hop really is. The face of hip hop is being warped and I can completely understand why real fans of the genre are upset. (And of course, Iggy’s not the only one who’s been doing this).

But unsurprisingly, the one person who’s defending Ugly Urethra the most fiercely is her check signer: T.I. himself. He went on twitter to try and sound scholarly but ended up looking as desperate as his wife is for a new face. I’m not going to get into a lot of his poorly written tweets but he did say that “not all white people out to steal our culture…there are some that merely wish to contribute to it”

Ok idiot TIP, here are a few tips.

Eggy Azalea can’t contribute to a culture created by people that she hates. And she’s proven this time and time again with her old racist tweets and her “runaway slave master” line.

Iffy Azalea cannot contribute to a culture that she does not care to understand. As weird and controversial as Eminem was, he got it, he understood it. (Which is why he had a less difficult time being accepted by the hip hop world than this pin up doll does).

Trashy Azoology can’t contribute to a culture/genre that prides itself on skill and technique if she does not have any! I’ve created poorly produced “rap” songs on my Youtube channel that required more skill than it took to make her whole album. I’m a poet by nature but the fact that my lines were more impressive than her whole discography should say a lot about the fact that this testosterone-filled, oak-tree-built puppet doesn’t have any lyrical power.

Honestly, I wish that T.I. would just tell the truth. Figgy AZincFace is making him money (as little as that may be with those flopped sales) and he wants to conserve his coins. Someone has to pay for his remedial English classes right? If T.I. admitted that, I think I would be more comfortable. Because in my opinion, if Iggy was signed to someone else, he would be dissing her all the time. It’s funny how rappers brag about being so real but as soon as money is flashed in front of their faces they are not about that life. He knew she was a girl that favored what society considered to be beautiful and he knew that she would captivate the majority audience (even though no one bought that album but I’m as asleep as T.I.’s spell check). You mean to tell me that T.I. could find no other up and coming rapper (white or black) that understood hip-hop and had better bars than Iggy?

Put Trashy Azoboomafoo’s ass in the pop category and then the world will be a better place. If you just snatch her out of the categories in which people tell stories, and write musical poetry and create social commentary and have nice flows then I think everyone could breathe easier. But for as long as this girl is out here presenting a dumbed down image of what hip-hop is NOT, there are going to be a lot of pissed off people out there.

Stop Being Too Nice!

See, my problem was that I was too nice.

“Too nice? How is that possible?”  you might ask.

Before you write me off as a jerk, let me explain to you that many people are suffering from the too nice syndrome.

I used to give and give of myself to other people with the expectation that these people would be able to see my good intentions. I was under the impression that everyone’s heart was like mine.

This is not the case and I had to learn that through experience.

Because I tend to be on the selfless side, often times I attract associates who are more into themselves than anything else. I used to be so giving that others saw this as a way to take advantage of/stay stagnant in a relationship.

I would sacrifice time and my emotions for these people and when it came time for them to do the same, they didn’t. The thing that kept me in these “friendships” is the very thing that kept my mother in an emotionally abusive relationship and it keeps physically abusive relationships alive.

It’s the thought that the person will change.

“Oh maybe he didn’t see me hurting. Maybe she didn’t see how it affected me. Maybe next time they’ll be there for me the way I was there for them.”

No. No. No. No.

If they see how you sacrifice yourself for them, but won’t reciprocate, then they DO NOT care about you. A grasping of this concept will prevent you from entering into draining relationships and it will help you recognize red flags in people before things get too serious.

There’s also an obligation factor that plays along into these types of relationships. Because you were raised correctly or have good morals, often times you will feel like you are required to do as much as you can for this person just because.

There is a difference between being moral and being suicidal. Throwing yourself on the line repeatedly for someone who isn’t even acknowledging your efforts is only detrimental to your emotional health and mental stability.

Removing yourself from a destructive relationship does not make you a bad person. It makes you a smart one.

I’m saying all this to say: Be nice, but don’t exhaust your emotions, time, and health over someone who wouldn’t do the same for you. Relationships aren’t 50/50…they’re 100/100 and If you’re the only one putting in 100 percent, then something is terribly wrong.

"You're Gay!" I Know Hoe!

Who told your busted, rusted, crusted and disgusted blimp-built ass that you were allowed to speak? 

Your dad's absent and your mother is out on the corner trying to support you and her 20 other kids...so I don't know who spoke to you and gave you authority to open your Venus fly trap of a mouth.

I'm going to overlook the fact that you are serving Egypt teas: your face is built strong like the pyramids and your body odor is smelling like the inside of a sarcophagus. 

I'm going to overlook the fact that your face is as impressive as Khia's list of endorsement deals.

But the fact that your monkey bars built ass keeps telling people "You're gay" as if they didn't know that before you opened you cum-stained mouth is quite disheartening.

Why are you--a grown man--sitting over here looking at how gay people act/are instead of looking for the sushi, pier-smelling, camel-inspired vagina that you usually end up licking because that's the best you can get.

You claim to be straight and yet you're looking at gay men harder than your mother looked for the morning after pill.

How is it that your lips have dandruff? Drier than your inbox.

How is it that your body is built like math class? Shaped like absolute value bars.

How is it that your face is looking like a deep sea expedition? Don't have to dive too far to get to that Mariana Trench.

As you can see, you have more things to worry about than the gayness of others.

Once you stop looking like an E.T. who couldn't even phone home because he couldn't afford to make the call, then you can continue to speak.

But for now you can close your mouth in the same fashion as the doors to Keyshia's Cole's career have been closed.

King Beyonce Slays

Are you angry that even Avatar Aang couldn't get Britney Spears to knee bend and that Beyonce will have her denying her own work like "Britney Jean is not my album"

Beyonce has your faves as pressed as Miguel's Iphone screen when he sees the Grindr app.

Was it right for Beyonce to shade your fave by selling more than their whole discography in 48 hours?

Was it humane for Beyonce to sell more in 48 hours with an Instagram post than Ciara sold with promotion for months (that she had to pay for herself)?

Are you angered that Beyonce's first week sales are going to be larger than Rick Ross' body mass index? 

Are you angry because the only surprise album that your fave could drop successfully is a photo album?

Does your fave sing about diamonds in the sky because the possibility of her having a diamond certification is just that far out of her reach?

Are you angry that Beyonce's "Partition" really is about her widening the part in your faves hair until they were bald?

Are you upset that yoncé sold 1.3 million albums and has your fave thinking "damn, I really should have cheated"

Are you tired of your fave giving out his/her album on groupon/twitmusic/ discounted on Amazon while my fave is out here selling 500k with a 16 dollar album?

Are you bothered that your fave was sleeping in under a bridge when Beyonce released her music and then proceeded to promote her music on twitter instead of his/her own?

Are you upset that the plastic that will make up the physical copies of Beyonce's album will be taken directly from Tamar's face

Are you upset that Beyonce wanted to get Blue a lambo for Xmas and that's the only reason she dropped the album before 2014?

I can see that you're upset but bow down and allow Beyonce to snatch your already non existent edges

Fatherless Fag

Yes, that’s what I am. Well sort of.

You see, my sperm donor never really physically left me. But he was absent emotionally.

Most times, he came home from work, brought food into his room and stayed there until the next day. He cared more about his computer, guns, and fishing than he did about his own family. 

Why was my mother the only one raising us when she had a full grown, Buick-sized motherfucker lying around in bed making less money than she was?

Why was she a single mother while still living with her husband?

Why?

He would only speak when spoken to, and even then that wasn’t much. When he did want to have a conversation, it was about something that was out of place or wasn’t right or “If I was God I would have struck [you kids] down already”

And I was supposed to call this low life “dad?”

I’m not going to say I didn’t learn anything from him, and after all he did feed me. But even zookeepers feed their animals.

What was I supposed to feel after he verbally came at my mother like that? Coupled with his body language…I thought he was going to hit her. I thought he was going to do much worse than hit her. They’d already been having problems. So what else was I supposed to do? I had to protect the most beautiful woman in the world. I had to protect the queen.

I popped off.

And when I say popped off. I mean I popped the entire fuck off. I scared myself. It’s like I was possessed.

Anger was causing me to shake and my voice became like thunder and I’m not exaggerating. In that moment, I became a new person…all of the feelings of abandonment, anger, and pain came out in a burst of 5 minutes of non-stop yelling at the top of my lungs. They’d never seen me like that…I’d never seen me like that.

Well, needless to say, my father wasn’t going to hit my mother. He knew better, I guess. But he had that monster-like look in his eyes and I thought he was up to no good.

I thought he was going to hurt her. I mean there was only so much pain he could cause her emotionally, I thought he was going to resort to turning it into something physical.

But he didn’t and now I’m here wondering why the fuck he’s calling me.

You divorced my mom. You divorced all of us emotionally decades before that.

So why call now?

What the fuck do you want from me? If it ain’t about money, keep your damn phone call. We could have spoken for all of the 18 fucking years that I was in that fucking hell-hole of a house. Why do you want to talk now?

How dare you treat all of us like shit and expect me to answer a text, muchless, visit your bobble headed, two chin having, ho ho ho built, bitch ass?

My mother raised me. And I know the only reason you’re taking out these college loans is so that you can maintain your “godly” appearance to other people and tell them that you still take care of your kids.

It’s so hard to explain to other people how much of a piece of shit you are because you did not physically abuse me and your money kept me fed and clothed.

But parenting is about more than that and people can’t see the emotionless narcissist that you are.

They just can’t see it and I’m not about to make myself feel like I’m an idiot because they can’t see what I can feel and have felt. 

My mom made herself feel stupid and stifled herself and her emotions and essentially bowed to you before she took a stand and you guys separated. It obviously wasn’t a healthy way for her to live and I'm not about fall into doing what she did.

It’s hard for me to understand how you could claim to have loved my mother but yet you were the reason for most of her tears.

It’s hard for me to understand how you could have three children under the same roof and leave them for your hurting wife to emotionally raise all by herself. She had to be there emotionally for us because if she wasn’t, then we wouldn’t have felt love from any parent. She had to pretend like she wasn’t in pain to make sure that we were raised correctly.

Now I want to know: who’s the true faggot? Who’s the true bitch? Why did my mother have to step up and be MORE than the man in the relationship? She was the strongest one in that house.

I’m glad I don’t have to see your moon pie-built face anymore. 

Imagine, you had three kids and lived with them and not one of them wanted to live with your ass after the divorce. Not one. They all flocked to their mother.

So don’t fucking call me, bitch.

Don’t fucking text me, bitch.

Don’t fucking contact me, bitch.

Don’t expect me to feel sympathy, bitch.

Don’t expect me give two shits, bitch

The time to build a relationship has passed and your unchanging ass apparently didn’t want to do it anyway. You had 18 years motherfucker, and you abused it.

I have the rest of my future ahead of me and you are slowly but surely becoming a part of my past.

Why Gays Hate Church

It's a "sanctuary" but it never feels safe.

First of all, when I walk through the doors of said "fellowship" hall (where condescension is key to "progression"), don't look at me like I'm some kind of assignment.

No, I don't want to shake your hand that was probably browsing through porn last night and is now pinning that "Deacon" or "Elder" name tag to your shirt.

No, I don't want to hug any of you hypocrites. I can see your two faces already; there's no need for closer examination.

No, I don't want to smile for you.

No, I'm not interested in reaching out to the church near my college campus.

I'm just here because my mom always makes her kids go to service when they come back into town on school breaks. So let me sit down. Please.

Now, I'm sitting here listening to about 15 crying babies and a boring "message" from the pastor.

At least at this church, the pastor isn't a crazy middle aged man from the Carribbean that's bashing all other belief systems and laughing at "how two men could possibly desire each other"

A speech detour into homosexuality usually means he has run out of things to say. Bashing homosexuality always gets a few hundred nice laughs and a bunch of "Amens!" from the congregation. Nothing like stroking a pastor's ego. After all, being homosexual, according to the Bible has to be much worse than being self-obsessed. Right?

Those pastors were so concerned with "the end time", "will you be ready?", and "hellfire" that they forget the here and now. Aren't you supposed to love people into your delusion and not scare them?

That was my old church. My old church is the type to have me, their best musician censored (almost kicked out) after over 6 years of undying dedication simply over stupid a Youtube video (that was miraculously found by an anonymous member the minute I left for college).

Cowards much? Bring it up while I'm there. Don't act like y'all hadn't seen my channel before.

The only thing that kept me going to that church was: 
1. parents who forced me
2. The fact that I could play piano/organ while at a place I never wanted to be at to begin with.

A youtube video apparently meant much more than 6 years of 3-5 times a week of service. Welp.

After I was censored, my mom was annoyed. I wasn't. To be honest, she knew I hated that place. She knew I was giving less and less of a fuck about people knowing I was gay. I was "broadcasting it" as she said.

"I don't announce to people that I'm straight." she said

You don't have to, I thought, It's already implied. While people want me to hide every violation of heteronormative behavior and I'm not going to do it. I've been done with that since elementary school.

But enough of the old place. Let's talk about where I am right now. Nothing's really changed except the demographic of the congregation. I still hate it. This is why:

In life, I don't like being around people who don't like being around me: the real me.

I just want to disrupt this pastor's rambling and scream "I'M A FAGGOT!"

I wonder how many people would still want to sit next to me, muchless continue share the "good news of Jesus Christ" with me.

Why should I be forced to dress up and sit among people who wouldn't want to even share the same air with me if they knew who (or "what" as they say) I really was?

They claim to love everyone, but how much love would be poured on to me if it was suddenly revealed that I was gay? Would it just be damnation and condemnation?

Are y'all "sin" free? Or is homosexuality an easy target while you're over here listening to stolen music.

I won't subject myself to such invisible oppression. If you wanna love me, then love all of me. Since you can't do that, then you can find me where people will view me as a person and not as a walking project...

or as a topic to discuss around your family dinners.

Bound 2 by Kanye West (Music Video SUCKS)

Kanye West was looking like a horror-movie version of a farmer with that tired plaid shirt on. As this farmer, the only thing I see him capable of growing and/or cultivating is his own career’s death.

I liked the song until it randomly switched and he started rapping. And then it continued to be choppy and to randomly switch faster than Chris Brown’s moods. The song is uncalled for, unorganized, unrequested, unimpressive, and undesirable. The name of this song was called “Bound 2”, and I propose that he needed to add an extra word(s) to this title. Please see the more suitable titles below:

“Bound 2 Flop”

“Bound 2 Fail”

“Bound 2 Be A Softporn Hot Ass Mess”

“Bound 2 Be Called ‘Art’ By Kanye Fans When It Looks Like It Was Edited on Windows Movie Maker And Shot In Front of Green Screen In Someone’s Basement.”

I’m not even going to refer to it as a song anymore, because songs have organization and aren’t thrown together like a BET Michael Jackson Tribute. I’m just going to call it “audio.”

The 4 minutes and 14 seconds of my life that I wasted watching that music video could have been spent doing more useful things like: trying to vocally train Rihanna, trying to create hype for Ariana Carey’s album or trying to get Miguel and Ne-Yo to delete their Grindr and Jack’d accounts.

The fact that Kanye has enough money to put me and my siblings through college hundreds of times, but couldn’t find the budget to put his video through proper production makes me hope that someone forces him to start a scholarship foundation since he can’t be useful with his own resources.

All that shade and I still haven’t gotten to Mrs. Kum KarDashInAndDashOutAgain yet. Let me address her “hoe with a business strategy” type ass.

The fact that she was bouncing up and down on this fake motorcycle like she was reacting to a fortune-teller’s prediction that her and Kanye’s marriage might last 73 days instead of 72.

The fact that she was in this video with her top off but that still won’t be enough to put Kanye at the top of the charts.

They thought that they were giving us Brad and Angelina or Beyonce and Jay-Z but the fact of the matter remains that they couldn’t even rival Tom and Jerry with that trifling ass music video.

The only thing special about that music video is how two super rich superstars managed to jam pack a bunch of poorly budgeted and corny bullshit in a video that was less than 5 minutes.

That was the only thing that took some type of talent as it regards to the creation of that video

The world has 2 porn videos from Kim that they can chose from, while people in the Philippines are still struggling from a storm that just hit, and Britney Spears is still struggling to bend her knees far enough to pick her songs up from the bottom of the charts.

Retrieve it. Keep it. Delete it.

Kim is a smart hoe though, because this will only serve to expand her empire. Kanye will get all of the thirsty men and women with self-esteem problems to crave the video…but will he get them to purchase the audio?

Ofcourse not.

Kanye’s “art” is like those people working in the kiosks at the mall. You’re fine with them as long as you are able to ignore them and walk by them. But don’t try to get me to buy, or buy into it. It’ll never work and you’ll just piss me off.

Comment with your thoughts.